T. J. Kline's Healing Harts series continues as a soldier suffering from PTSD and a therapy dog trainer find that some scars can only be healed by love.
Julia Hart knows how much good she does training therapy dogs—it's what helped her overcome her own trials after a relationship turned unexpectedly violent. But moving beyond her mistakes meant trusting only her family with her heart.
Dylan, a former soldier, has run out of hope for recovery. Plagued by nightmares and flashbacks, he doubts anything will help him overcome his PTSD. When his brother convinces him to try one last time, he agrees to get a therapy dog.
He didn't expect to find Julia or a chance for a "normal" future again. But when Julia's attacker is released from prison, Dylan and Julia will have to face the past together.
Deleted Chapter
“What are we doing
at a hospital?”
Dylan gave the
electric doors in front of him a wary glance as Julia slipped a vest over
Roscoe and another over Tango. His stomach clenched at the thought of going
inside. He’d spent more than enough time in a cold, sterile hospital bed than
he cared to ever remember. Months receiving treatments for his burns and
recuperating from his head wound had left him with a new appreciation for
medical professionals and a newfound aversion to hospitals.
“We’re taking the
dogs to the children’s ward.” She looked up at him as she connected the clasp
and pushed her bangs back. “Remember you asked me once how I got started doing
this? This is one of the reasons why
I continue doing it.”
He took a deep
breath and looked back at the doors. “You realize this is one of the last
places I want to be, right?”
Julia cocked her
head to one side. “Sometimes the last place we want to be is exactly where we need to be. You didn’t want to come to
my place either,” she pointed out. “And you didn’t want Roscoe.”
Dylan snuck his arm
out and wound it around her waist, pulling her toward him. Julia’s hand still
held the dogs’ leashes but her fingers clenched against the hard wall of his
chest. He felt the uncontrollable longing to be near this woman replace the
dread that was trying to wind around his heart at the thought of entering a
facility that he knew housed pain and fear.
“And see how well
that has turned out?” She slid one hand to his neck, cupping his jaw and
meeting his gaze with tenderness. “I promise we will leave if it’s too much for
you but it’s good for the dogs and these guys work miracles for the kids. Please,
trust me?”
Dylan bent forward,
letting his mouth find hers, losing himself in the sweetness of her kiss. He
didn’t want to go inside, didn’t want to face the icy fear trying to steal the
breath from his lungs, but he wanted to prove himself to Julia and that was
enough of a reason for him to agree. He wanted to be the man she believed he
could be, the man he used to be. Sheer self-control would have to keep the
anxiety at bay. It wouldn’t make it disappear, so far only the medication had
been able to make him forget it completely, but his determination to earn
Julia’s respect gave him a reason to focus his willpower to get through the
visit.
She melted against
him, her breasts crushed against his chest. The unyielding wall of his chest
cradled her soft curves as his hand slid up her waist to the middle of her back
and held her close. His tongue met hers, sweeping against it in an erotic
caress and she moaned slightly into his mouth. Dylan felt his body harden in
response and withdrew slightly.
“We better head
inside before Tango realizes I’m kissing you and wants to slobber on me again.”
She pressed her
lips against his in one last, quick kiss, smiling against his mouth. “He only
does that because he likes you.”
Julia handed him
Roscoe’s leash as Dylan rolled his eyes. “Great. I’d hate to see what he’d do
if he didn’t like me so much.”
Following behind Julia,
the electric doors opened with a soft woosh
and fans hit them from overhead. Frigid air swept around him and he wondered
why every hospital seemed to think they needed to run air conditioners
year-round. An elderly woman was seated behind the information desk and smiled
broadly when she saw Julia approach, her face beaming with pleasure.
“It’s about time
you get back in here. Come give me a hug,” she ordered as she hurried from
behind her desk. Her eyes slid to Dylan, sweeping from the top of his shaved
head to the worn boots on his feet. “And who is this tall drink of water?”
Dylan instantly
felt the heat rise to his cheeks. The woman laughed heartily and wound a thin
arm around his hips in an awkward hug since the top of her permed grey head
barely hit his ribcage. “And he’s shy to boot. This one’s a keeper, Jules,” she
said, jerking a thumb his direction.
“Dylan, meet Betty.
She knows everything that goes on in this place so if you need to know anything,
she’s the one to talk to.”
Dylan didn’t even
get the chance to introduce himself before Betty jumped in again. “That’s
right. And that man over there is Jerome.” She pointed at a middle-aged
security guard who nodded their direction with a smile. It was obvious Betty’s
display didn’t faze him in the slightest. “How is Mr. Tango doing? And who is
this big guy?”
“This is Roscoe.
He’s going to be Dylan’s dog but we thought we’d bring him in with Tango to see
the kids today.”
Betty moved back to
her seat behind the information desk and scribbled on a sheet of paper before
producing two badges for Julia from under the desktop. “Here you go. Just bring
‘em back when you finish up. It was nice to meet you,” she shouted to Dylan as
he walked with Julia to the elevators.
“Is she always like
that?” he whispered as the doors opened and they stepped inside.
Julia laughed and
his chest swelled with joy at the sound. He loved that he had the power to make
her laugh and that joy seemed to always be waiting just below the surface of
her smile. It was a heady feeling and it made him want to do it even more.
“She’s been
volunteering here as long as I can remember and she knows everyone.” Julia gave
the woman a final wave as the elevator doors closed. “She was the first person
to send flowers when I was in here.”
Dylan frowned as
his chest constricted and realization struck him like lightning. This was the
hospital where Julia had stayed after her attack. This was where she’d spent so
many weeks reliving the nightmare, trying to recover from the trauma that had
almost killed her. Why in the world would she want to come back? Why would she
want to face that nightmare again and again when she could simply avoid it
altogether?
“Julia?” He turned
to ask her the questions running through his mind when the doors opened. He
realized it would have to wait until later.
Dylan felt the
difference in the air the moment they stepped out of the elevator. Artwork and
murals might decorate the walls, but the bright colors couldn’t cover the stale
antiseptic stench that permeated the air in the corridor leading to the nurse’s
station. Roscoe seemed to notice it as well and lifted his nose toward the
ceiling but continue to walk beside Dylan as if nothing was amiss. A sense of melancholy
desperation seemed to hang over floor, like a dark cloud, in spite of the
cheerfully painted walls.
“Jules!” A nurse
beamed from behind the desk and jumped up, waving several others closer. “Jules
is here.”
Dylan saw several
orderlies poke their heads from inside doorways to wave to Julia. She was
well-loved but he understood the attraction. She had a smile that could light
up a dark room and an energy that was infectious. She was captivating. As nurses
surrounded the two of them, several bending to greet the dogs, he began to feel
like a third wheel. Or, in this case, a fourth wheel, since the dogs garnered
more attention than he did. It was an odd feeling since most people were prone
to stare at his scars, or pretend not to. He self-consciously ran a hand over
the marred flesh.
Then again, his
scars wouldn’t be the worst this staff had seen.
“Are the kids in the common room?”
Julia looked his
way and gave him a reassuring smile, nodding as if reminding him that she
believed he could get through this. At least one of them had some confidence in
his abilities.
A woman who
appeared to be one of the head nurses chuckled. “They’ve been gathering in
there ever since they found out you planned on coming today.”
Julia’s brows
dropped forward in a slight frown as she brushed her bangs back, looking around
at a few doors still closed. “Who is still in their room?”
“Destiny and
Mikayla are too sick today to go.” The nurse took a deep breath and Dylan could
see she was fighting to control her emotions. “Jordan isn’t able to go either.”
He saw the flicker
of despair in Julia’s eyes before she took a deep breath. Dylan was confused by
the sudden change in her but knew she’d explain soon enough. “Tell all three of
them we’ll come see them before we leave, okay?” She gave him a sad smile.
“Come on, it’s this way.”
He followed her
down another short corridor. The sounds of laughter and what sounded like off-key
singing came from behind the double doors ahead. “Ready?”
Dylan inhaled
deeply and nodded. “As I’ll ever be.”
She pushed open the
doors and Dylan saw her face light up as she looked around the room. As soon as
she walked inside, kids ranging from toddlers to teens rushed them both, most
in an attempt to get to the dogs. He was surprised to see Tango sit at Julia’s
feet, letting his mouth drop open and his tongue loll out happily, appearing to
be smiling as several of the younger kids hugged his legs and neck. Dylan
looked at down at Roscoe and gave him the cue to sit. He followed the command
flawlessly, allowing the kids to surround him as well, not even flinching when
a young boy tripped and stepped on his tail.
Dylan watched as the
more hesitant kids made their way closer, some with parents but all with some
sort of debilitation. More than a few pushed wheeled I.V. poles as they moved
closer.
“Can I pet your
dog?”
Dylan turned as a
little girl approached. She was short for her age but he wasn’t sure if he was
just bad at guessing kids’ ages or if the task was difficult because of the
burn scars that covered her from the middle of her scalp down one side of her
face and neck before disappearing into the neckline of the hospital gown she
wore. He could tell from the puckered skin that she had already had several
skin grafts and he remembered the pain of the procedure clearly. He knew
first-hand how much it would hurt to move with the burns and scars she had and
fought back the tears that stung his eyes and squatted down to her level. In
that moment, as she looked up at him with her pretty green eyes shimmering with
delight, Dylan thought she was the bravest person he’d ever met.
“Of course you can.
This is Roscoe.”
“Roscoe,” she
tested the name on her misshapen lips. “He’s pretty.”
“He’s smart too.”
Dylan ran a hand over the dogs head.
“Mom said that
after my next surgery, Julia can help me find a dog so I can take it school
with me. Did she find Roscoe for you?”
Dylan nodded and
looked up at the girl’s mother, standing just behind her daughter. “I think
that would be a great idea. I’m Dylan.” He held out a hand to the girl, feeling
strange to introduce himself to her the way he would an adult but unsure of a
better way. Dealing with kids might take more than one visit to master.
“I’m Lisa.” She
grasped his hand with her much smaller one. “Did you get him because of your
burns?” She pointed at the scars on his neck that stretched behind his ear.
“Lisa,” her mother
scolded from behind her. Leave it to a kid to point them out.
Dylan met the
woman’s gaze and could see her embarrassment. He shook his head letting her
know he didn’t take offense. The wounded look on Lisa’s face made it clear she
hadn’t meant any disrespect. It was more likely that she was excited to find
someone who understood what she was going through, even if her burns were far
more extensive than Dylan’s were.
“It’s okay.” He
looked back at Lisa. “No, I was in the military and saw a lot of things that I
don’t like to remember. Sometimes they give me nightmares, even while I’m
awake.”
“Oh.” The child
nodded sympathetically. “Sometimes I have bad dreams about the fire and it’s
hard to tell if I’m awake or asleep. It hurts again,” she said, touching her
cheek. “Even though the doctors say there’s no feeling left there.”
“It’s sort of like
that. Roscoe helps me to remember where I am.”
He laid his hand on
Roscoe’s smooth back, realizing that was exactly what the dog had been doing
for him. He was keeping Dylan focused on his present reality, living in his now instead of the pain in his past.
He turned and saw
Julia watching him, a gentle smile on her lips. She’d been right to bring him
here. As difficult as it was, as much as he was fighting to stay present and
focused when there were so many triggers vying to drag him into his memories
and the pain he’d suffered, she and Roscoe were tethering him to a reality he
longed to live in. His fingers tightened around Roscoe’s leash. Maybe this
time, if he held on tight enough, he could have a future worth living in spite
of his past.
*****
Julia wanted to
talk to Dylan about their time at the hospital, wanted to know how he was doing
or if it had triggered any memories but was having a difficult time holding her
sorrow at bay. Her chest ached from the pressure of holding her tears in and
she bit her lower lip to keep from allowing the pain to escape.
Usually when she
left the hospital, she took Roscoe into the woods and they walked, letting the
miles soothe the emotions the kids stirred in her. It wrenched her heart to see
them, most with terrible and debilitating illness and disabilities, but when
she spent time with kids like Jordan, suffering from a terminal illness, it
broke her. She’d become close to the boy after visiting him over the past four
years, watching the leukemia stealing first his childhood, and now his last
days. His days were no longer marked by good moments but aching breaths that
brought more pain.
Julia had fought
back the sobs as Tango gently climbed onto the edge of the bed and laid his
head over the boy’s stomach. Even when Jordan’s mother gave in to her own
tears, Julia held back, comforting the woman she’d grown to admire as a smile
spread over Jordan’s lips and he mumbled a greeting to Tango, trying to raise a
weak arm to pet the dog. She had never been more pleased with her dog than when
he slid his head under Jordan’s hand, gently, to allow the boy one final moment
with him. The silence in the room, broken only by the quiet beep or whoosh from the medical equipment, was deafening. It revealed a
truth no one wanted to verbally acknowledge. This would be the last time she
would see Jordan alive.
A single tear
escaped the corner of her eye as she tried to blink it back and she wiped it
away with her finger, hoping Dylan didn’t see. She should have known better. It
didn’t surprise her when he reached over Roscoe on the seat between them and
laid his hand on her thigh.
“Are you okay?” His
voice was quiet, somber, as if he knew Jordan was on her mind.
Julia knew she
shouldn’t stop the car, shouldn’t talk about this with him now. She needed to
decompress, to get away from everyone, to hide somewhere so she could release
the pent up fury at the injustice. But Dylan’s voice was a key that unlocked
the vault where she kept her heart hidden. His one question released the flood
of emotions she’d been trying to hold back and the dam on her tears fractured
into a million painful shards.
Her breath rushed
from her lungs and the choking sobs threatened to blind her as she pulled to
the shoulder of the road. The cab of the truck was suffocating and she couldn’t
draw in a breath as her chest burned from trying to control the sorrow ripping
through her. She dropped the truck into Park and climbed out as quickly as she
could, running toward the tailgate but having no idea where to go, where she
could hide from this agony. Julia doubled over at the back of the truck as a
car flew past. She covered her head with her arms, squatting low, unable to
move and feeling the grief tearing at her soul. Tango’s sharp bark from his
crate in the bed of the truck broke through the keening wail she hadn’t
realized was coming from her lips but it was Dylan’s arms around her, lifting
her, cradling her against his broad chest that coaxed her back to the reality
of the moment.
She felt herself moving
as he took her back to the passenger side of the truck and settled her into the
seat but she wrapped her arms around his waist, unwilling to release him or the
security she felt in his arms.
“Julia, shh, it’s
okay. Let go.” His voice quietly reassured her, allowing her to release the
pain pulsating throughout her body making her tremble against him. Her tears
soaked through his shirt as she pressed her face against the heated wall of his
chest, letting Dylan’s strength surround her. His fingers trailed over her
spine, soothing her as her sobs slowed making her breath hitch.
When he took a step
back, his hand slid to cup her jaw and look down into her face. Julia lifted
her eyes to see his brimming with tears. Just knowing that he understood the
pain she felt made her heart swell with love for this man. They didn’t simply
share a past trauma, even their present emotions were connected, intertwined in
a complexly beautiful tapestry, woven together in ways she couldn’t begin to
explain. He filled a void in her that no one else had ever come close to even
knowing existed. As much as her family loved and supported her, they couldn’t
understand the brokenness inside. But Dylan did.
Apart, they were
two beaten and broken people, but together, they pieced together the fragments
into a priceless mosaic. Julia reached her hand toward his face and he turned,
pressing a kiss against her palm, the rasp of his jaw rough but it felt good to
feel something, even pain.
“Why do you go?” he
whispered against her hand. “If this is what it does to you, why do you put
yourself through this?”
“Because they need
the dogs, the same way you and I do. They need something to make them remember
that there is still something good in spite of the pain they face every day.”
She gave him a sad smile as she thought about him talking to Lisa. “I hate
seeing what those poor kids go through, the pain and sickness they face every
day. But I imaging them facing that without the dogs and that seems even more
unfair.”
“I’ve never met
anyone like you, Julia. Never known anyone with a heart like yours.”
He didn’t let her
say any more, didn’t let her explain how she’d seen doctors stumped by how much
the time with the dogs helped kids heal, or how focusing on helping them had
given her a purpose when she’d wanted to sink into the dark pit of guilt and
doubt after Evan’s attack. His lips found hers in a tender kiss. She could
taste the salty wetness on their lips but she wasn’t sure which of them the
tears belonged to, nor did it matter. They had become one and, for the only
time since Evan’s attack, she felt whole. And, in spite of each imperfection
and flaw they each possessed, it felt like perfection.
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